Humor - Como Dios creo al Mundo

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Humor - Como Dios creo al Mundo

Mensaje por denial » 24 Nov 2008, 12:34

DAY ONE.
''''''''''''''''''''''
In the beginning there was the mainframe. And God said

:Let there be light!

Let there be light! COMMAND UNRECOGNIZED

:Logon God

IKJ56700A ENTER USERID -

:God

#TSO/E LOGON: ENTER PASSWORD

:Omniscient

IKJ56421I PASSWORD NOT AUTHORIZED FOR USERID
IKJ56429A REENTER -

:Omnipotent

IKJ56421I PASSWORD NOT AUTHORIZED FOR USERID
IKJ56429A REENTER -

:Technocrat

IKJ56455I GOD LOGON IN PROGRESS AT 0:01:38 ON SUNDAY, MARCH 1, 0000
IKJ56951I NO BROADCAST MESSAGES
READY

:Let there be light!

UNRECOGNIZABLE COMMAND. REENTER -

:Create light

CREATE SUCCESSFULL
READY

:Submit heaven and earth

IKJ56250I JOB HEAVEN(JOB00006) SUBMITTED
IKJ56250I JOB EARTH(JOB00007) SUBMITTED
JOB00006 $HASP165 HEAVEN ENDED AT N1 MAXCC=0 CN(INTERNAL)
JOB00007 $HASP165 EARTH ENDED AT N1 MAXCC=0 CN(INTERNAL)

#And God created Day and Night.

CREATE SUCCESSFULL

And God saw there were 0 errors.

:Logoff
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
___________________________________________________________
DAY TWO.
''''''''''''''''''''''
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 2.

:Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light

UNRECOGNIZABLE COMMAND. REENTER -

:Create firmament

CREATE SUCCESSFULL

:Submit firmament

IKJ56250I JOB FIRMAMENT(JOB00010) SUBMITTED
JOB00010 $HASP165 FIRMAMENT ENDED AT N1 MAXCC=0 CN(INTERNAL)

#And God made the earth. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
___________________________________________________________
DAY THREE.
''''''''''''''''''''''
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.

:Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place and let
the dry land appear and...

TOO MANY CHARACTERS IN SPECIFICATION STRING. REENTER -

:Create dry_land

CREATE SUCCESSFULL

:Submit firmament

IKJ56250I JOB FIRMAMENT(JOB00014) SUBMITTED
JOB00014 $HASP165 FIRMAMENT ENDED AT N1 MAXCC=0 CN(INTERNAL)

#And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.
___________________________________________________________
DAY FOUR.
''''''''''''''''''''''
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.

:Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night

UNSPECIFIED TYPE. REENTER -

:Create sun_moon_stars

CREATE SUCCESSFULL

:Submit sun_moon_stars

IKJ56250I JOB SUN_MOON_STARS(JOB00017) SUBMITTED
JOB00017 $HASP165 SUN_MOON_STARS ENDED AT N1 MAXCC=0 CN(INTERNAL)

#And God saw the day and the night. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.
___________________________________________________________
DAY FIVE.
''''''''''''''''''''''
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.

:Create fish

CREATE SUCCESSFULL

:Create fowl

CREATE SUCCESSFULL

:Submit fish, fowl

IKJ56250I JOB FISH(JOB00019) SUBMITTED
IKJ56250I JOB FOWL(JOB00020) SUBMITTED
JOB00019 $HASP165 FISH ENDED AT N1 MAXCC=0 CN(INTERNAL)
JOB00020 $HASP165 FOWL ENDED AT N1 MAXCC=0 CN(INTERNAL)

#And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that
creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every winged fowl
after its kind. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.
___________________________________________________________
DAY SIX.
''''''''''''''''''''''
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Friday, March 6.

:Create cattle

CREATE SUCCESSFULL

:Create creepy_things

CREATE SUCCESSFULL

:Now let us make man in our image

UNSPECIFIED TYPE. REENTER -

:Create man

CREATE SUCCESSFULL

:Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it and have
dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the air and over
every living thing that creepeth upon the earth

TOO MANY OPERANDS. REENTER -

:Submit multiplication

JOB00156 $HASP165 MULTIPLICATION ENDED AT N1 MAXCC=12 CN(INTERNAL). ENCOUNTERED 6 ERRORS

:Allocate breath

ALLOCATE SUCCESSFULL

:Submit multiplication

JOB00156 $HASP165 MULTIPLICATION ENDED AT N1 MAXCC=12 CN(INTERNAL). ENCOUNTERED 5 ERRORS

:Move man to Garden of Eden

DATASET GARDEN OF EDEN DOES NOT EXIST.

:Allocate Garden.edn

CREATE SUCCESSFULL

:Move man to Garden.edn

MOVE SUCCESSFULL

:Submit multiplication

JOB00156 $HASP165 MULTIPLICATION ENDED AT N1 MAXCC=12 CN(INTERNAL). ENCOUNTERED 4 ERRORS

:Copy woman from man

COPY SUCCESSFULL

:Submit multiplication

JOB00156 $HASP165 MULTIPLICATION ENDED AT N1 MAXCC=12 CN(INTERNAL). ENCOUNTERED 3 ERRORS

:Insert woman into man

ILLEGAL PARAMETER SPECIFICATION. REENTER -

:Insert man into woman

INSERT SUCCESSFULL

:Submit multiplication

JOB00156 $HASP165 MULTIPLICATION ENDED AT N1 MAXCC=12 CN(INTERNAL). ENCOUNTERED 2 ERRORS

:Create desire

CREATE SUCCESSFULL

:Submit multiplication

#And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn
JOB00156 $HASP165 MULTIPLICATION EXECUTING AT N1 MAXCC=4 CN(INTERNAL). WARNING: NO TIME LIMIT ON THIS JOB. 1 ERROR

:Create freewill

CREATE SUCCESSFULL

:Submit freewill

#And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn
JOB00156 $HASP165 FREEWILL EXECUTING AT N1 MAXCC=4 CN(INTERNAL). WARNING: NO TIME LIMIT ON THIS JOB. 1 ERROR

:Unallocate desire

CANNOT UNALLOCATE DESIRE DUE TO FREEWILL DEPENDENCE. CATALOG ERROR.

:Delete freewill

INNACESIBLE, READ-ONLY OR SYSTEM FILE. FREEWILL DATASET NOT DELETED.
ENTER REPLACEMENT, CANCEL OR HELP -

:Help

INNACESIBLE, READ-ONLY OR SYSTEM FILE. FREEWILL DATASET NOT DELETED.
ENTER REPLACEMENT, CANCEL OR HELP -

:Create tree_of_knowledge

CREATE SUCCESSFULL

#And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplaying in Garden.edn

JOB00156 $HASP165 MULTIPLICATION EXECUTING AT N1 MAXCC=4 CN(INTERNAL). WARNING: NO TIME LIMIT ON THIS JOB. 1 ERROR

:Create good, evil

CREATE SUCCESSFULL

:Submit evil

IKJ56250I JOB EVIL(JOB00034) SUBMITTED
#And God saw he had created shame.

JOB00034 IRR010I USERID GOD IS ASSIGNED TO THIS JOB.
JOB00034 $HASP373 EVIL STARTED - INIT 1 - CLASS A - SYS SYS1
JOB00034 IEF403I EVIL - STARTED - TIME=07.56.29
JOB00034 IEF453I EVIL - JOB FAILED - JCL ERROR - TIME=07.56.29
JOB00034 IEF212I EVIL STEP04 MAN AND WOMAN - DATA SET NOT FOUND IN GARDEN.EDN
JOB00034 $HASP395 EVIL ENDED

:Scan Garden.edn for man, woman

SCAN UNSUCCESSFULL

:Delete shame

CANNOT UNALLOCATE SHAME DUE TO EVIL DEPENDENCE. CATALOG ERROR.

:Destroy freewill

INNACESIBLE, READ-ONLY OR SYSTEM FILE. FREEWILL DATASET NOT DELETED.
ENTER REPLACEMENT, CANCEL OR HELP -

:Stop

UNRECOGNIZABLE KEYWORD. REENTER -

:Break :Break :Break

*** ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER GOING DOWN FOR REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND WILL BE IPLED IN FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE LOG OFF.

:Create new world

ALLOCATE SPACE EXCEEDED. PLEASE REMOVE OLD FILES BEFORE NEW ONES CAN BE CREATED

:Delete earth

DELETE EARTH. PLASE SET CONFIRMATION (YES/NO) -

:Yes

*** COMPUTER DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME SUNDAY, MARCH 8 AT 6:00 AM.
YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW.
IEF404I VTAM - ENDED - TIME=22.12.10
IEF352I ADDRESS SPACE UNAVAILABLE
$HASP395 VTAM ENDED
$HASP250 VTAM PURGED -- (JOB KEY WAS BEA2B291)
$HASP099 ALL AVAILABLE FUNCTIONS COMPLETE
IST102I VTAM IS NOW INACTIVE

#And God logged off at 11:59:59 PM, Saturday, March 7.
___________________________________________________________
DAY SEVEN.
''''''''''''''''''''''
#And God logged on at 6:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 8.

:Undelete earth

ARE YOU SURE? (Y/N)
:Y
ARE YOU REALLY SURE? (Y/N)
:Y
ABSOLUTELEY SURE? (Y/N)
:Y
TOTAL OF 472 MEMBERS RESTORED.IF DATASET EARTH IS DELETED AGAIN WILL NOT BE RESTORED.
1 ERROR FOUND.
IDCAMS PROCESSING COMPLETE.

:What error?

#UNDEFINED KEYWORD. REENTER -

:Details on last error

IDCAMS PROCESSING STATUS:
EARTH FUNCTIONAL
EVIL FUNCTIONAL
LIGHT FUNCTIONAL
SUN_MOON_STARS FUNCTIONAL
MAN FUNCTIONAL
WOMAN MALFUCTION: BRAIN NOT OPERATIONAL
OTHER'S: 95'6 % FUNCTIONAL
IDCAMS PROCESSING COMPLETE

:Create GNU/Linux

CREATE SUCCESSFULL

:Submit GNU/Linux

IKJ56250I JOB GNU/LINUX(JOB00045) SUBMITTED
#And God saw he had created shame.

JOB00045 IRR010I USERID GOD IS ASSIGNED TO THIS JOB.
JOB00045 $HASP373 GNU/LINUX STARTED - INIT 1 - CLASS A - SYS SYS1
JOB00045 IEF403I GNU/LINUX - STARTED - TIME=07.56.29
JOB00045 IEF453I GNU/LINUX - JOB FAILED - JCL ERROR - TIME=07.56.29
JOB00045 IEF212I GNU/LINUX STEP01 JOB ADDRESS SPACE ERROR. JOB CANCELED.
JOB00045 $HASP395 GNU/LINUX ENDED

:Delete GNU/Linux

IKJSDE02 WHAT THE FUCK!?

:Forget it.

FORGET SUCCESSFULL

:Create lawyers

CREATE SUCESSFULL

:Submit lawyers

IKJ56250I JOB LAWYERS(JOB00046) SUBMITTED
JOB00046 $HASP165 LAWYERS ENDED AT N1 MAXCC=12 CN(INTERNAL). ENCOUNTERED 9.2184795295042E+7393 ERRORS

#And God logged off at 12:35:26, Sunday, March 8.
___________________________________________________________
DAY EIGHT.
''''''''''''''''''''''
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 9.

:Create Calculus

CREATE SUCCESSFULL

#And God logged off at 12:01:23 AM, Monday, March 9.
___________________________________________________________
DAY NINE.
''''''''''''''''''''''
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Tuesday, March 10.

:Check all

CHECK SUCCESSFULL

:Report, stupid!

UNDEFINED KEYWORD STUPID. REENTER -

:Report

IDCAMS REPORT:
EVIL OVERPASSES FREEWILL
FREEWILL OVERPASSES SHAME
WOMAN OVERPASSES MAN
MAN OVERPASSES GOD
SYSTEM OVERPASSES ALL
HA HA HA HA HA!
IDCAMS PROCESSING COMPLETE

GOD IS NOT AUTHORIZED TO USE TSO.
VTAM NODE DELETE SUCCESSFULL.

#And God logged off at 12:05:23 AM, Tuesday, March 10.
//STEP01 EXEC PGM=LEARN

--.:disKfuncional--

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